^I  Don’t talk about my mother.
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^II  Don’t talk about my mother’s mother.
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^III  Brothers: if you aren’t willing to throw a punch for your sister, why were you even born?
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^IV  If you disrespect even my fourth cousin once-removed, you disrespect me. 

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^V  Birthday calls, not texts.
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^IV  Answer the family WhatsApp chat. Voice notes preferable.
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^VII  Greet––and say goodbye––to everyone in the room with a kiss, whether or not you know them.

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^VIII  Never arrive at any type of gathering empty handed.
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^IX  Don’t you know it’s rude to show up exactly on time?
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^X  Clean the entire house before the cleaning people arrive. 
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^XI  There is no such thing as casual attire. Especially in the airport. 

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^XII  Make the sign of the cross when the plane is taking off. 
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^XIII  The more the merrier.
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^XIV  Daughters cannot close their bedroom doors with male company over. Boys––depends on the home.
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^XV  Laugh and nod even if you’ve heard the story a thousand times. Ideally, find it authentically funny.

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^XVI  Remain armed at all times with new gossip.
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^XVII  Implicit in “Don’t tell anyone” is permission to tell up to five people.
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^XVIII  It is a literal tragedy to see a baby or a grown up out and about with bare feet. 
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^XIX  Never deny a pregnant woman’s request, or you’ll end up with a stye. 
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^XX  When in doubt, just start cleaning something.

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