Beach Read

The 20 Commandments of Latin American Respect

November 14, 2023

I  Don’t talk about my mother.

II  Don’t talk about my mother’s mother.

III  Brothers: if you aren’t willing to throw a punch for your sister, why were you even born?

IV  If you disrespect even my fourth cousin once-removed, you disrespect me. 

V  Birthday calls, not texts.

IV  Answer the family WhatsApp chat. Voice notes preferable.

VII  Greet––and say goodbye––to everyone in the room with a kiss, whether or not you know them.

VIII  Never arrive at any type of gathering empty handed.

IX  Don’t you know it’s rude to show up exactly on time?

X  Clean the entire house before the cleaning people arrive. 

XI  There is no such thing as casual attire. Especially in the airport. 

XII  Make the sign of the cross when the plane is taking off. 

XIII  The more the merrier.

XIV  Daughters cannot close their bedroom doors with male company over. Boys––depends on the home.

XV  Laugh and nod even if you’ve heard the story a thousand times. Ideally, find it authentically funny.

XVI  Remain armed at all times with new gossip.

XVII  Implicit in “Don’t tell anyone” is permission to tell up to five people.

XVIII  It is a literal tragedy to see a baby or a grown up out and about with bare feet. 

XIX  Never deny a pregnant woman’s request, or you’ll end up with a stye. 

XX  When in doubt, just start cleaning something.

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